When you’re pregnant, you can’t help but be hormonal – everything that is happening in your body to help grow, nurture and develop your baby involves hormones.
During this season of my life, I can’t help but reflect on how I was brought up, and the seeds that were sown into me. If you haven’t read “my story”, you wouldn’t know that my brother and I were orphaned when I was 16 years old, you can read more about that here.
I think that, because the death of my parents was traumatic, it’s difficult to remember the good times of my childhood. Most of what I remember is negative, and most of it is what happened after my parents passed away. I know and understand that emotions were high for everyone in our family at that difficult time, and people said things that they might not have meant at the time, but it’s unfortunate that once seed is in the ground, it’s difficult to take it out – especially when you’re unaware that it was a seed that was put into you in the first place.
When we found out that we’re pregnant, there was nothing but joy and elation – but the next day I was very emotional, thinking about what my own parents would have thought and felt, had they been here for us to share the news with them. After that extreme low, I made the decision to not let my emotions get the best of me – whenever I felt low, I would proclaim Jesus as the Lord over my (pregnancy) flesh, and I decided that this would be the happiest time for us, even though my parents aren’t around to share in our joy.
Once I got over that, memories and flashbacks of the seeds would hit me at random times. Being called useless and lazy, a failure, and childish would hit me in the gut like a ten foot pole. The seeds that were sown into me all those years ago, were coming in an attempt to steal my joy, and it had me questioning myself.
Is this failure ready to be a mother?
How will this lazy person, wake up in the early hours of the morning for her baby?
A childish person having a child? LOL
So many questions, and I was in a really vulnerable place when all these questions came up. After a while of feeling down and emotional, and completely unequipped to become a parent, I decided to go to the only place that I would find peace – in the arms of The Father.
Psalm 46: 10 (KJV) – 10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
Acts 17: 28 (KJV) – 28 For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
Sometimes, things aren’t easy, and often times, it’s about situations and people that we have no control over. What I’ve learnt, is that we have control over ourselves, and how we react in the midst of the emotion and circumstances. You can make a good decision, today, and it could just affect the rest of your life.
I’d like to encourage you today, to make a good decision, and give all your concerns, worries and hurts over to God. He will comfort, heal and avenge your hurts and grief in His perfect timing.
Thank you for coming by, I pray that this post encouraged you!