If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen my recent(ish) insta – story about how crazy my schedule has become lately. I did end off my conversation with a poll, asking if anyone would like me to blog about this season of my life. Out of 100 and something voters, 2 people voted no. So here we go!
This season of my life has me juggling, and I’m trying so hard not to drop any balls – even though I have dropped more than one ball, on more than one occasion. It’s been a tough season, a truly trying one and I could have never been prepared to loose another parent. When we did loose my father in law, it hit me hard. Saying goodbye to yet another father at the age of 28 is difficult, but as much as it is painful, I know the value of time, and I am grateful for not only a second father, but for the time that I was blessed to have shared with him. This is one of the reasons I’ve been somewhat absent on the blog front. The other reason is work.
When Darren and I got married, I knew that the journey of an entrepreneurs wife would not be an easy one. My dad was an entrepreneur, and many times my mom had complained about how she would buckle under the weight of the dream. What is the dream, you ask? The dream is actually the journey. The journey to that one coin that pushes the rest of the coins over the edge of that stupid game at The Magic Company, and causes the rest of those many many coins to waterfall over the edge and then – Jackpot! The dream is that overnight success story that nobody witnessed working years to get to that overnight success. Just like that stupid game, very few see the amount of coins you put in, before you see the coins come tumbling down.
I knew that after I said “I do”, I had committed to being a copilot on this journey. When you’re a copilot, you have no choice but to make sure that the journey and landing is a success, because if the plane goes down, you’re going with it!
I love travelling through this journey with Darren. I could have never prayed, or believed for a better partner, but I had never anticipated that functioning in my different roles would be this taxing. Maybe it’s because I tend to be a perfectionist. I want to me the best wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that I can be all at the same time – and I’ve come to learn that that’s not always possible.
Being on the run with my husband and baby from 7am – 8pm is our reality sometimes, and our designated baby sitter aka mother in love is often with us. Routine? What routine? We eat when we eat, and sleep when we sleep! Healthy balanced meal? Ha! Not always. Many times you may spot us at the Mac Dee’s drive through, more than once a day. I feel like a failure, often. On a really bad day, I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with Ezra or Darren, and by the time I’ve cooked, eaten, and put Ezra to sleep, I am finished and can barely get 2 words out to Darren before I dose off.
In seasons like this one, I long for my mother. I’ve felt that I need a mother now more then ever! I have so many questions. How did she do it? She was always a superior woman in my eyes. She cooked, cleaned, spent time with us and studied (psychology nogals) and she looked phenomenal while doing it! For a long time, I’ve admired and highly esteemed many woman whom I consider the greats. I’ve turned to them for support, advice and prayer. One evening, while I was reflecting on my day and how I wished I had more time to do and be better, I wondered if I could off load on one of these great women who I so deeply admire. In that moment, I felt the still, small voice comfort me.
“it’s time for you to become the kind of woman that you’ve always admired.”
What a sobering moment for me. I realised why I had felt alone during this time. God was, and still is pulling me aside for me be intentional about drawing closer to Him.
I can’t lie and say that I have it all figured out now that I’ve felt the Holy Spirit leading me. In fact, I often feel confused about how lonely and quiet this time is – but I have learnt a lot.
In this season of my life, I’ve learnt to be still. Quick to listen and slow to speak. It’s so easy to talk and share meaningless conversation and information. The world we live in entices us to do so every second of the day, but I am learning to choose quality over quantity.
James 1: 19 & 20 (NKJ) – Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
In this season of my life, I’ve learnt that it’s not about me. Taking the time to be quiet has helped me see others more than I see myself. I am learning to put the needs of others before my own, and to understand someone else’s pain in the midst of my own.
In this season of my life, I’ve learnt to be my own kind of superior woman. I am learning to pray for myself, be a supportive wife and copilot and the best mama that I can be. It isn’t easy, but it sure is rewarding! I am learning that God gives us the ability to do anything that we set our mind to, and He birthed the wife and mother in me, and through Him, I can and will be the best version of myself that I can possibly be.
Phillipians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Today, I’d like to challenge you to lean on God a little more than usual. In Him, you will find everything you need to conquer every one of your Goliath’s.
Thank you for stopping by!